Updated: Nov 6, 2019
It’s easy to end up in situations where we’re taken advantage of relationally or emotionally. For most of us, it’s easy for us to just brush it off and call it maturity. I mean, that’s what we were taught. We bite our tongues and suffer in public then we crumble under the weight of shame, anger, and embarrassment in private. Like many things, it’s a cycle, a pattern. What makes patterns so dangerous is how much our brain loves them. Our brain is more willing to trust the thing it experiences time and time again rather than to be burdened with creating or accepting new ideas. Even if that new idea is true. Our brain is waiting to take the easy route because it doesn’t feel like doing the work of urging us to fight for our worth until it severely threatens our well being. And even then, it still feels more natural for our brain to absorb the information it’s gleaned from years of interaction with others. A lie most of us believe in our hearts but probably won't ever let pass our lips: We’re not worth fighting for.
Every time you decide to let something slide, you validate and strengthen neurological pathways that inform how your brain processes and receives information including how you perceive yourself and your worth. I’m guilty of trying to find the “best” in others. Guilty of not keeping others accountable for the ways they’ve treated me poorly. I'm most guilty of not demanding that the people around me interact with me through the lens of respect. My problem was (and still sometimes is), after years of deciding “it's okay, it’s not that big of a deal” I formed neurological pathways filled with moments of allowing others to treat me without respect. Every time I decided not to speak up, that disrespect became more familiar to my brain which made it easier to accept and harder to reject.
Tolerating disrespect and manipulation is not maturity. It harms your mental health and allows your brain to develop familiarity with inferiority. When we stand up for ourselves, we rewire our brain to develop self-worth self-esteem and pride in who we are. Our ability to change the chemistry of our brain starts with us being extremely uncomfortable by way of calling out even the little things.
We can't change how others respond to us, but we can change how we respond. When the world communicates to us that we’re not worth fighting for, our job is to combat that narrative by doing the most vulnerable thing we can do: fight for ourselves.
What area of your life do you need to start fighting for yourself ?
Until The Circle Comes Back Around,